Parenting: What Should I Do Now?

Parenting is the most important job we have and it is the hardest. As a parent we need to be a counselor, life coach, trainer, project manager, tutor and so much more.  Our kids are changing at astonishing rates.  They have developmental stages that need a different response from us during different ages and they have cycles of learning that also require a different response. 

Here are a couple of key times our kids need very different responses:  

Exploring:  When kids are in a new environment and they are learning the culture and expectations of that setting, it’s time to be the observer. Sit back, but pay close attention.  Let your child navigate this new setting. Set aside time to talk in a natural way – not asking 50 questions, but tell them about your day and give them space to tell about theirs.  This is not the time to be a problem solver – you are just listening. Then see what patterns emerge.  Ask them if they notice patterns and how they want to adjust their actions to address any concerns. Let them sit with this for a while before jumping in, but like a good researcher, take a lot of mental notes on what might need more support in the future, be it friendship skills, academic support, or character development.  This allows your child to understand they are capable. Most of the concerns that come up in this time period will be things they can and will handle well. You are there to say, “Well done.”     

Stuck:  Kids get stuck.  Sometimes they develop a pattern of behavior that does not allow them to keep challenging themselves or growing.  As a parent this is an important time in their life to be paying attention.  Sometimes this is an obvious problem: not doing well in school, or not having friends. Sometimes it’s more subtle like just doing enough to get by.  Our job is to help our children be the best versions of themselves and if we see how kids are stuck for a long period of time, and we have already allowed them space to try and figure it out on their own, but nothing changes, then it requires a different response.  It’s action time.  Find those in your life who love and care about your child. This can be your spouse, a teacher, the cool aunt, grandpa or friend – it doesn’t matter who’s on the team as long as they are equally concerned about this issue. Then come up with a team plan.  Getting someone unstuck takes all hands on deck working in the same direction.  This allows your child to see the power of community and to know they have people in their corner.   

There are so many times in our child’s life that require different responses from us as parents and as parents we have a lot of tools we can use: listening, encouragement, consistency, accountability, incentives, and consequences. All of these should be used to varying degrees to help our child develop to the fullest potential. Prayer is essential  – asking God to help us know which tool to use is vital.